today was fun. went to the doll hair with ali. twice! got some snacks and stuff. :) and watched cruel intentions again. why is ryan phillipe so hot!?!? pouty lips on guys are SO hot. im so frustrated with del mar. i need to register and if i dont tomorrow. well im just going to ride on trains all day and live off canned food. i just wish i knew what to do. it sucks because its all in the hands of the people who work for delmar. i just dont fucking understand them. why the fuck is it so hard to enter my scores in so i can fucking register for classes. thats all i just want to do. i just want to give up. but ugh!! if i dont go to college im going to feel like a loser even though i would just have to wait a semester. fuck del mar!!
Things may be brought to light that you would rather stayed in the darkness, Aries. At the same time, this may very well be a case of “what you don’t know will hurt you,” so it might be a good idea to be prepared for some discomforting information today, or during the next two weeks. The Full Moon can also shed its light on circumstances that have been mysterious; someone who’s been trying to undermine you in some way could be exposed. It’s important that you take things slowly and try not to overdo it physically, because your body is a little more sensitive than usual right now.
^^ that makes me super anxious nervous. i hope i get to register for delmar. going to delmar for the 340574time. fuck it. i dont understand life right now. i feel nothing but so much at the same time. autopilot…
i dont want to try anything anymore or go out of my way for anything. im just going to live day by day.
it happened. i seriously suck at life. i wonder when im going to finally quit posting shit about kevin. i was talking to my sister today and she had said she never thought me and him were ever going to break up. and honestly i didnt think we were either. even though he didnt have his life on track i still loved him and tried to encourage him and do the best i could to help him anyway possible. its been over like 2months now. but it still feels so fresh to me. i just feel my life has had such huge change and i just dont know how to deal with it. i honestly dont think ive accepted it yet. i just wish i knew he would call me but i know its never going to happen. i dont know what im more anxious about. seeing him randomly or hear hes found someone new. i just wish i could forget and move on. time to write in a real journal and listen to music. i really miss him.
i cant stand this cat anymore! i dont understand it was so sweet, nice, cuddly, and playful. but now its just a uber bitch. she doesnt like ryan. and ryan sure doesnt like her either. he keeps growling and being annoying. i guess randomly going to the humane society and adopting a cat wasnt the best idea. i had the best intentions but things didnt go the way i expected. my sister said shes like this because older cats dont do well with change. i would keep her at home but i think its best if she went back to the humane society. fail. ugh i cant help but think of someone still. i wish i could just get over him!!! i just dont know how. its so hard and im suppose to act like this never happened? i reallly miss him and i miss so much about him. i feel so repetitive when i write on this thing. bleh well the guy i was kinda talking to. is now just my friend. ehhh oh well. lifes a garden DIG IT!
lately all ive been thinking about is clothes. forever 21 has their best line of clothes out right now. i seriously love about 70% of all their stuff. i feel so at ease that i got a good amount of fall clothes. i cant wait for it to be cold. i can not stand this texas corpus heat any longer. life has been really chillin lately. im happy. today was a swell day with my girlfriend kels. <3 :) i hope tomorrow will be a good day. i need to go to delmar again on monday :( i hate that place. jk but i really need to start college. ive been on threadbanger a lot lately and it makes me want to sew again. i really need to rearrange furniture and stuff and start sewing again. i have all these ideas and new projects in my head and i should really finish my old ones. i feel like im learning things all over since me and kevin broke up. i know that sounds stupid but like i now know that you can have as much “you time” as you need. and idk i think i need some me time right now. creatively though. i really need to pick sewing up again i get excited just thinking about it. uggghhh i want so much right now. i want ac in my car a new car college and yeah. but other than that im pretty satisfied im happy. and thats a good thing even though i still miss an asshole.
the past few days have been really great. today i just relaxed at home. i looked at the date today and realized if me and kevin were still together it would be 3 years and 3months. i really miss him but i think about some things and hate him. im just so disappointed. i put in EVERYTHING and sacrificed EVERYTHING for our relationship. and i got shit. i guess i havent moved on. im trying its just hard. how can i act like nothing happened? i spent so much time with him and i felt like i kinda grew up with him. if that makes sense. but anyways. i went to carroll to send my transcript AGAIN to del mar. i hope they dont fuck up this time. i want to go to college im really excited. i want to do really well. lately i cant help but think about actually putting my life and dreams into action. i want a good job and i really want to live somewhere along the upper east coast. i just want to be happy with my life in every way. i enjoy texas but i cant live here for the rest of my life i can list why but why bother. last night i watched 500 days of summer thanks to ali. and it made me really sad watching the whole thing. i felt like summer and tom. i felt the detachment you get around someone and i felt the let down tom did. it made my heart heavy. it was really good but i need to watch it again when i feel better. i love the smiths. :)